Sunday, June 15, 2014

4 Weeks Post-Ops

On Tuesday, it will be four weeks since my surgery. I am still on crutches but have been back to work full-time for the past two weeks. My knee is sore and since I started working again, the swelling got a little worse, but otherwise things are still doing great! Now that I am feeling pretty normal again, it is hard to slowdown and take my time. I am pretty tired of being on crutches and it is a struggle to still not be able to drive and do things without asking someone to chaperone.

Joel and my parents have been wonderful still, even though I am not always great to them. Sitting around drives me nuts and I have taken my frustration out on them a far too many times. All they do is help me and in return I release my frustrations on them for some reason. Definitely not winning girlfriend of the year or best daughter award. It is difficult to say the least. My knee is sore but being back at work and having the weather nice, I feel almost back to myself.

I realize how selfish I am sometimes. I have two legs that work, I have parents who support me both emotionally and financially, I have a boyfriend that still worries about me even when I lash out at him. I have a great life and I very fortunate. I lose site of that from time to time...  Some people don't have any of that...

This makes me think about the things I have taken for granted. Lately, all I want to do is run. I hate running and never have been a runner, but once it's taken away from you, you realize what you had. Once I start walking again, I want to work out and be better to my body. Everyone knows how much I love candy and junk food. I abuse my body in the sense that I feed it what I want and not what I need. I can't say I'll stop completely, but I really want to be healthier; working out, eating right, spending more time outside than inside. All these things I have taken for granted.

My last thing that I need to get away from is my cellphone. Since I have been sitting at home so much, I have been on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and the internet (in general) a lot more than I ever was. It was my window to the things I was missing. But now, since I am more active, I feel like I still look at my phone way too much. This I can change at anytime and I don't have a problem with my phone (I can go without), but it does detract from just the simple things, like sitting with Joel on the couch or sitting at the land with him.

A week from Monday I go back to the Dr. and get X-rays to find out how everything is healing. Hopefully I will get the good news that I will be able to start walking on my leg again! As long as I continue to listen to my doctor and working on my phsyical therapy, I will be back to my usual self in no time. These past four weeks have really dragged on, but at the same time, it seems like forever ago that I had my surgery.

Each surgery teaches me something new; patience, understanding, gratitude, kindness. Each time I learn more about myself and the person I am and want to be. Joel and I talk about how he would handle the situation I am in and he says he would handle it completely different. I never wish a surgery on anyone, but for those that haven't had to be limited in their daily activities, it is hard to explain the kind of claustrophobia you encounter when relying on others just to get around.

People joke that injuries (like mine) are the reason they aren't athletic; they don't want to get hurt. But I don't think I would change anything for the world. The surgeries have been hard and if it was something I could have foreseen, I would have tried to avoid it. But in the end, the sports teams I was on were my family. The girls I met were my sisters. The memories I have while doing sports were the best there ever was. So with that, I say thank you to each and everyone one of those people who I encountered on my sports career, my life would undoubtedly be less fulfilled if it wasn't for all of you.